Close Call Friendships
In This Article
For many of us, when we’re at work, or volunteering at church or on a mission trip, we spend massive amounts of time with other people, doing things which excite us . A close friendship can develop – linked together by our common interests and just being constantly close. A platonic friendship can very quickly turn into a close call.
I’ll share a few scenarios from David Carder’s list of 19 dangerous behaviors from his book Close Calls…
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Sharing marriage difficulties. If you can’t wait to tell your friend of the opposite sex about problems in your marriage then your marriage is in trouble. The same is true if you can’t wait to listen about their marriage problems. Boundaries are being crossed. Those are personal matters which need to stay between husband and wife. Also, when you inform a friend of the opposite sex that you’re having marriage problems, they may interpret that you are giving them a green light to come between you and your spouse.
#2 Caring
You’re showing more concern to your friend than your spouse. When faced with day to day challenges in your career, it’s easy to begin feeling as though you and your co-workers share the struggle and you’ll go above and beyond to look out for them. If this compromises you marriage and you don’t have the time or patience for your spouse. It’s time to stop and reevaluate your priorities. Your spouse needs your support too. Your friend at work may need your help with something, and they admire your expertise in that field, but their needs should NEVER be a higher priority than your spouse.
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You’re hiding interactions with this friend, from your spouse. If your spouse doesn’t have access to the conversations you’re having with your friend, such as text messages, email, or in person it’s time to stop. Also Constant communication with a former workmate should be limited only to a mutual friend and your spouse needs to be aware what is going on. Anytime you haven’t given your spouse the whole story – and you feel like you have to hide the conversations, then it is definitely time to stop the friendship.
#4 The Fight Begins
You begin having conflict with your spouse over this friendship.
Whether your talking to much to your friend, or your spending too much time with your friend, it’s important to remember that your spouse is #1.
Try as much as possible to reduce contact with your friend. Believe me, you’d rather disappoint a “friend” than disappoint your wife.
I believe it’s petty to accuse your spouse of being jealous, and it’s even more pathetic to say “she’s just a friend”. And if it’s to the point where your spouse feels betrayed, or left out; that’s a valid concern, and no friend is worth ruining your marriage .
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