Showing Appreciation to your Spouse

It was Psychologist William James who said that that possibly the deepest
human need is the need to feel appreciated.

When talking to our spouses we need to show them that they are appreciated,
so instead of making demands we need to make Requests with love.

It is important to remember that you and your spouse are partners and also
equal in the eyes of the Lord. We need to communicate that when expressing
our desires to our spouses, this not only will increase our intimacy but
it help with the communication between a couple.

Every time when communicating our needs and desires if they are perceived
as demands and not requests, that will definitely diminish our intimacy
and increase the chances that our spouse will retaliate. This also drives
our spouses away emotionally.

Its important to give guidance on how your spouse can love you and thus
build intimacy. If I tell my wife..Cutie.. I can’t wait for one of your
back rubs…you really know how to hit the spot!. Do you think i can
have one tonight? That statement communicates, in a loving manner that
I appreciate my wife’s abilities and I can’t wait to spend more time
with her while she gives me on of her awesome back rubs.

But if had expressed myself that, Whatever happened with getting a back
rub around here. I work all day at the yard and the least I can ask for
is a back rub, I don’t think I am asking for too much! Other than the
fact I am being immature and childish, I can be guaranteed that I will
not get a back rub and I even start an argument.

To love and respect my wife I will also use humble and kind words.
This in turn will increase and grow our intimacy. Also this shows
that I treasure and place value in her as a human being. I affirm
her not belittle her.

Also I remember that love is a choice. I am not a dictator so when my
needs are framed as a request and not a demand I maintain the idea of
choice in the conversation. So when she says Yes to my needs its more
meaningful as, out of Love she is saying YES.

You know she could comply–the key word is comply— to my demands not
out of love be due to fear, guilty or such things and that wouldn’t be
love as she is being under duress. That is what is called an abusive
relationship and not a loving relationship.

So to encourage and maintain our love, it is important to use requests
and not demands.