Is Facebook Damaging My Marriage?

    Don’t get me wrong, I love social media, and most of my friends and family do too. However, as a wife, there are moments when my insecurity skyrockets. Nothing makes that happen faster than Facebook.  

The scenario plays out over and over, and it never seems to stop. My underlying fear is that an emotional distance will creep up between my husband and I slowly by slowly. Which makes me wonder, is Facebook damaging my marriage?

When I wonder about the damage it could be causing, there are two major concerns. The first one being, how it impacts myself and my husband, and then consequently, how the two of us will relate to one another.

From a wife’s point of view – the impact on me

I know for sure that my self esteem is very fragile, and I don’t like feeling as though I’m competing with other women. Facebook brings doubt, and brings it often. Am I still good enough for him? Do I still look good? Have I accomplished enough? Is he proud of me?

As he scrolls through the constant updates and reminders of how awesome the other ladies are, my level of discomfort only continues to rise.

As pictures of college graduations, job promotions, hair color changes, new cars, gym selfies and so much more are flowing in, I notice that admiration is just one click away. Husbands click “like” without really understanding that they are displaying approval – which is my perception. Now, just hold on a second, before I start to sound too insecure and self absorbed, I would like to mention that there actually was a time when I could sit on the couch next to my husband, and have a conversation without the interruption of silly notifications. How do you feel when you’re talking to someone and the glow of their screen seems to take priority over you and anything you say? I can tell you, from my point of view, it’s not a fun situation to be in. It makes me feel as though there is a major distance between me and my husband. Does viewing countless pictures of other women over and over again bring you closer to your wife?

I don’t see how any good can come from knowing what co-workers and former classmates look like in their bathing suits.

The one thing which could be the most dangerous, is the private messaging.

Some people are absolutely relentless about keeping in touch with acquaintances they knew for such short periods of time. I am too busy to remember guys from high school, much less care about what they are doing, and re-establish contact. How would it make you feel if your wife was actively trying to stay in touch with men she knew many years ago? Seems harmless? Well, let me ask you this: if the acquaintance asks to meet in person, would you want your wife’s answer to be ‘no’? Saying ‘no’ takes some courage, and in order for that to happen, it starts with encouragement.

Of course, I am aware that everyone’s marriage is different, and not all couples want to keep strong boundaries, but I definitely want to safeguard my marriage.

I honestly do not understand why people of the opposite sex from work, former jobs and high school so many years ago feel the need to send messages, texts, and/or emails. Unless it’s work related – and it almost never is – they really don’t have a legitimate reason to send private messages.  If what they have to say is so wholesome, then why don’t they post it in a public setting, such as the timeline?

These types of conversations make me very uncomfortable and I perceive this type of interaction to be inappropriate, and above all – unnecessary. As a wife, I really do prefer to be aware of what’s being said – if it isn’t business related.

Please keep in mind that the way your wife perceives things is what matters. Here’s your call to action: It is far better to unfollow or unfriend ladies who wear suggestive clothing and constantly post pictures of themselves, whether they’re sweaty gym selfies, or otherwise. I don’t see how any good can come from knowing what co-workers and former classmates look like in their bathing suits.