It was Psychologist William James who said that that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Showing appreciation to your spouse is always the right thing to do.
When talking to our spouses we need to show them that they are appreciated, so instead of making demands we need to make requests with love.
It is important to remember that you and your spouse are partners and also equal in the eyes of the Lord. We need to communicate that when expressing our desires to our spouses, this not only will increase our intimacy but it help with the communication between a couple.
Every time when communicating our needs and desires if they are perceived as demands and not requests, that will definitely diminish our intimacy and increase the chances that our spouse will retaliate. This also drives our spouses away emotionally.
When showing appreciation to your spouse,Its important to give guidance on how your spouse can love you and thus build intimacy. If I tell my wife..Cutie.. I can’t wait for one of your back rubs…you really know how to hit the spot!. Do you think i can have one tonight-
That statement communicates, in a loving manner that I appreciate my wife’s abilities and I can’t wait to spend more time with her while she gives me on of her awesome back rubs.
But if had expressed myself that, Whatever happened with getting a back rub around here. I work all day at the yard and the least I can ask for is a back rub, I don’t think I am asking for too much! Other than the fact I am being immature and childish, I can be guaranteed that I will not get a back rub and I even start an argument.
To love and respect my wife I will also use humble and kind words. This in turn will increase and grow our intimacy. Also this shows that I treasure and place value in her as a human being. I affirm her not belittle her.
Also I remember that love is a choice. I am not a dictator so when my needs are framed as a request and not a demand I maintain the idea of choice in the conversation. So when she says Yes to my needs its more meaningful as, out of Love she is saying YES.
You know she could comply–the key word is comply— to my demands not out of love be due to fear, guilty or such things and that wouldn’t be love as she is being under duress. That is what is called an abusive relationship and not a loving relationship.
So to encourage and maintain our love, it is important to use requests and not demands and always find ways of showing appreciation to your spouse
