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Tag: Whitney Shayo

  • 4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

    4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

    In your quest to live your best marriage, do you ever want your spouse to do something
    for you or maybe you want them to stop doing a certain behavior that bugs or upsets you-
    A problem with that can sometimes be that when we tell our spouse what we want, it
    doesn’t usually come out in the form of a loving request.

    When we have a need for something, our complaints about our spouse have a tendency to come spewing out of our mouth, and are sometimes insulting. For years my husband and I would criticize one another thinking that we were simply making a complaint. However, a complaint strictly attacks an issue or a problem. Criticism goes beyond that and attacks the person, or their character. Some of us- myself included- it’s easy to throw in some
    extra criticisms which aren’t connected to the topic at hand. Mostly this is done out of anger and resentment for unresolved matters.

    When your spouse feels insulted regarding something you do or don’t want done, it can
    leave them feeling as though they are not loved. Typically what happens when someone
    does not feel loved, is they may purposely not make the desired changes, or they simply
    do not have any motivation to do so. As your needs are not being met, the voice of
    criticism grows louder, and your spouse begins to withdraw.Here are 4 steps to end criticism in your marriage.

    4 tips to end criticism:

    #1 Remember the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

    #2 Apologize for any mean, insulting, or irrelevant criticisms.

    #3 Cool down when disagreements get hot.

    #4 Ask for what you want directly.

    Studies have shown that arguments between husband and wife can reach solutions quickly and efficiently if they cool down. Taking fifteen minutes to allow the blood pressure to go down is worth it. Men were found to be more responsive to the wife asking specifically for what she wants. However, both husband and wife are responsible for maintaining this balance -cooling down and/or making requests properly. Criticism does not motivate.

  • Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage

    Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage

    Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage. Whether you’ve been married six months, or you’ve been married for a while longer,we all need to do the things that keep the connection strong. It doesn’t take much at all to begin drifting apart. Naturally, things will go south on their own. The opposite is true for staying close. Here are three simple tips to a happier marriage.

    Always Remember You’re on the Same Team

    No one is happy all the time. No one’s marriage is on great terms all the time. Disagreements will occur, and it’s pretty easy to begin thinking your spouse doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Try as much as possible to get into the habit of remembering that the two of you are on the same side. You’re friends. When friends have a misunderstanding, they are usually not as quick to blame and get upset as much as a married couple. Stop fighting one another and start fighting to save your marriage before resentment takes over.

    Focus on what makes Your Spouse Irresistible

    Decide which are your three favorite qualities your spouse has. Of course, they have more than three, but think often of your three favorites. What are some of the things they did that made you want to get married in the first place- What are some of the things they still do that you are happy about- The person you’re married to has unique qualities, behaviors and attitudes that no one else has. Take pride in that. Everyone has flaws though, too. Married people who have the ability to focus less on flaws are the happier ones.

    Take Time for a Hug Each Day

    Physical touch for married couples is imperative, including non-sexual. It keeps the connection strong and can even help build a stronger bond. At least once a day, the two of you should hug as though your two friends who haven’t seen one another in a very long time. At our house, my husband usually gets up about an hour before I do. When I go to the kitchen to start getting my breakfast, he walks over and gives me a hug. It gives me a great start to my day, and it reminds me that he’s my best friend. I totally recommend this to everyone.

    In closing, I genuinely want every couple to experience the bliss of being married. Anyone can start using this advice as soon as today. I hope these three simple tips to a happier marriage
    will be found useful.

  • Wives are not inferior to Husbands

    Wives are not inferior to Husbands

    Bible Verses stating Wives are not inferior to Husbands. I’ve heard several misinterpretations regarding Bible verses over the years, and some have been totally twisted. Everything from wives must obey, to husbands can divorce their wife for no good reason at all. I’ve collected a handful of them and will provide some clarity. Here are a few of the Bible verses stating wives are not inferior to husbands.

    “So God designed mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” Genesis 1:27. Some say that the fact that Adam was made before Eve, is enough to show that she is beneath him. If that were the case, then maybe she would have been created from a bone in his foot. Not the case. Eve was made from Adam’s rib, which means that a wife is to walk side by side with her husband.

    “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4. This verse explains that both husband and wife are to provide love and comfort to one another, putting the other one’s needs ahead of their own. And yes, it obviously is referring to sex as well. Each spouse is also being equally instructed to fulfill one another’s sexual desires.

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord” Ephesians 5:22 This verse is instructing wives to be loving and faithful to their husbands, just as they are to the Lord. The word “submit” usually gets taken out of context. It also means that wives are being called by God to allow their husband to be the leader of the family. However, this does not make the two of them unequal. It simply puts a greater burden of responsibility on the husband. In the next several verses, it is the husband who is called to love his wife so much that he would die for her, just as Jesus died for all of us. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25. Also, in 1 Peter 3:7 the bible states, ” You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

    The term “weaker” isn’t intended to make the woman appear as inferior, it simply means that a wife is gentle and should be treated gently. The part about prayers being hindered, shows that God will hold the husband accountable if the marriage fails.

    In closing, wives are also called to be a helper to their husband. The word helper is not intended to be derogatory- it is a name given to someone who brings to the table, what the other person is incapable of bringing.
    “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” Galations 3:28. This verse is stating, that according to Jesus, everyone who believes will receive his grace. Basicallly, we are all children of God, and are equal in the eyes of the lord.

  • Three Ways to End Resentment in Marriage

    Three Ways to End Resentment in Marriage

    “Three Ways to End Resentment in Marriage”

    When Ephesians 4:26, in the Bible says “…do not let the sun go down on your anger”; married couples should take notice. The continuance of anger breeds resentment, as well as the habit of leaving problems unresolved. Allowing resentment to build up also creates an environment in which contempt will thrive. Contempt is one of the major causes of divorce. Here are three ways to end resentment in marriage.

    Take Responsibility

    If you want to feel less bitter towards your spouse, you will need to remove some of the blame from them. By this, I mean taking responsibility for at least part of the issue which is causing you grief. Problems in marriage -as well as all other areas of life- happen because they obey the laws of cause and effect. Taking responsibility for your contributions to a problem and or lack of action/effort in solving it, empowers you. Remember, things happen because of you, things don’t happen to you. Assuming the role of victim in scenarios that play out in your marriage will almost always leave you feeling bitter and resentful, and will likely lead you down the path to isolation. If your spouse is physically abusing you, or continuously cheating on you, it’s time to get out of that situation. Other types of disagreements can be worked out.

    Practice Gratitude

    More things are right with your marriage than are wrong. Being grateful for the good things your spouse does, brings a lot of peace to the situation. Negative words/events stick to the brain more than positive things do. In fact, it’s much easier to remember the bad times than good. When your significant other says the wrong thing, it becomes difficult even to realize that you also said bad or insulting things. When you’re upset about something, try thinking of something nice they did for you. Or, simply reminding yourself of what a great and loving parent your spouse is, is enough to help cool down. Also, being thankful for the simple fact that you are married, means that you are able to recognize your spouse as a gift. Millions of people in the world struggle their entire lives hoping to have even one lasting relationship. If you’re married, you have someone special to share every day with. Cherish every moment with your hubby, or wife, because you are blessed.

    Resolve, Resolve, Resolve

    The moment you begin to feel offended, explain to your spouse in a loving way, that you are hurting because of what they said or did. Not every mistake is worth bringing up, but if it’s something that you feel is causing distress, talk about it. Being able to work out problems right away is the best way for the two of you to play offense against resentment. The longer you wait, and the more you will stew over it. Anger will continue to grow more and more. Know that the two of you are on the same team, and most likely, they did not intend to hurt your feelings. Your willingness to accept their apology and drop the issue is what ultimately determines how happy you will be. Forgive and forget, don’t remain stuck on something keeping you and your spouse from being happy-together.

  • What to consider before having an affair

    What to consider before having an affair

    What to consider before having an affair. A common pitfall, which all of us can be vulnerable to, is convincing ourselves that “so and so” at work understands us better than our spouse does. However, just because a co-worker comes across as charming – it doesn’t mean they really are. If you are frustrated with your marriage and you’re thinking about starting something new, here are three things to consider before having an affair.

    One:
    Most of us are inclined to be more cordial, or more friendly at work and other places outside the home. Those qualities are vital components of teamwork and customer service. By the end of a shift, we’re tired and once we reach home, the sight of a familiar face may not trigger a need to be fully present, or pleasant for that matter. Over time, of course, this becomes a habit. It’s very easy to take our spouse for granted, thinking they will always be there, but in the workplace we are at peak performance, because our goal is to provide income. Let’s break this down: you’re only seeing the good side of the people you work with.

    Two:
    Too many women have told me this one: “the guy I work with is so much more willing to help me than my husband is”. Work with me for a moment. Please. Your husband is responsible for you and so many of the things in your life, that it would make a pretty long list if we write them down. The “guy at work” is focused solely on completing the tasks necessary to make it through a shift. He’s getting paid to be there, and he’s getting paid to help you, it’s not a show of affection. Don’t allow the fact that the two of you don’t have any baggage together make him seem attractive.

    Three:
    This one is becoming more common with men. “She understands me more than my wife does, and I can talk openly to her without being judged.” A lot of us enjoy chit chatting when we have downtime on the job. Something this simple can lead to a very dangerous trap. Talking about personal topics and exchanging private information, take you one conversation at a time, into that person’s life- usually unknowingly. Women are good listeners and like to share their experiences by talking. So, it’s not that your female co-workers understand you more than your wife, you may be communicating with them more than you are with your wife. Also, because they have no attachment to you whatsoever, of course they won’t judge you. Having unresolved issues with your spouse, makes you vulnerable to getting closer to total strangers who don’t even matter. If you are willing to work on what you already have, I have a feeling that you’ll save yourself-and everyone else a lot of heartache.

  • Top Three Tips for SAHM

    Top Three Tips for SAHM

    Everyone needs helpful tips to stay on top of their chosen occupation. Unfortunately, not all of the advice out there is intended to help individuals thrive and be above average. For the last nine years I’ve stayed at home full time with my three children, and I’ve certainly learned the hard way what works and what doesn’t. After doing some thinking about what ultimately has made me happy and productive over the last few years, I really want to share. Here are my top three tips for SAHM.

    3. Stay in Shape
    Chasing after young children takes energy, and a lot of it. Even when your children reach school age, driving back and forth to and from school and sports, it’s still very tiring. If you’re always giving to the people around you, you need a way to pause and refuel. Constantly giving care makes your serotonin levels drop- causing depression. Exercise releases the hormones you need to keep your serotonin up. At first, you may not have the energy to get started exercising, but I promise you will overcome that obstacle very quickly. Exercise creates more blood flow throughout your entire body, thus making you feel energized. It also gives you an hour or so to yourself, and that alone provides amazing amounts of energy. Feeling better is the greatest reward. Looking better is a pretty nice side effect as well.

    2. Take Charge
    I’ve spoken with many stay at home moms who feel as though they really don’t have control over their own life. I’ve been there myself, and I know how easy it is to slip into the thought process of being convinced that ‘oh, hubby is in control, or, it’s the kids, they run the show around here.’ It’s wrong, and it simply isn’t true. You are in complete control. You run the show. Enjoy being the boss, because you don’t have a manager or supervisor breathing down your neck telling you what to do all day. Not only that, but you are in charge of your own schedule and routines. It was truly great, once I finally quit thinking that I had no choices, no options, and no control. I’ll repeat myself: YOU ARE THE BOSS. Enjoy your freedom.

    1. Enjoy every moment
    This is the absolute number one piece of advice I have for all moms. Time goes by very quickly, and your children will never be this small again. When I had my third baby, I was stressed a lot with homeschooling and everything, but I thank God that I cherished every moment when she was tiny. As she grew, and each month she became older than the last, I would consciously think to myself, “wow, she’s already three months, and she’ll never be two months again.” As obvious as that sounds, it made all of the time I spent with her more and more precious. Prior to this, I experienced a lot of really long hard days, thinking that time was passing to slow. All I wanted was for bedtime to arrive. Of course, you will have days when you feel completely exhausted from constantly giving care, but remembering to stop and enjoy the moment, rather than stressing over it, helps you view motherhood in a completely different way.