4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

In your quest to live your best marriage, do you ever want your spouse to do something
for you or maybe you want them to stop doing a certain behavior that bugs or upsets you?
A problem with that can sometimes be that when we tell our spouse what we want, it
doesn’t usually come out in the form of a loving request.

When we have a need for something, our complaints about our spouse have a tendency to come spewing out of our mouth, and are sometimes insulting. For years my husband and I would criticize one another thinking that we were simply making a complaint. However, a complaint strictly attacks an issue or a problem. Criticism goes beyond that and attacks the person, or their character. Some of us- myself included- it’s easy to throw in some
extra criticisms which aren’t connected to the topic at hand. Mostly this is done out of anger and resentment for unresolved matters.

When your spouse feels insulted regarding something you do or don’t want done, it can
leave them feeling as though they are not loved. Typically what happens when someone
does not feel loved, is they may purposely not make the desired changes, or they simply
do not have any motivation to do so. As your needs are not being met, the voice of
criticism grows louder, and your spouse begins to withdraw.Here are 4 steps to end criticism in your marriage.

4 tips to end criticism:

#1 Remember the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

#2 Apologize for any mean, insulting, or irrelevant criticisms.

#3 Cool down when disagreements get hot.

#4 Ask for what you want directly.

Studies have shown that arguments between husband and wife can reach solutions quickly and efficiently if they cool down. Taking fifteen minutes to allow the blood pressure to go down is worth it. Men were found to be more responsive to the wife asking specifically for what she wants. However, both husband and wife are responsible for maintaining this balance -cooling down and/or making requests properly. Criticism does not motivate.

Leave a Comment

    • S Cohen
    • 03/22/2016

    This is a great blog post. I have struggled in the past with marriage issues and have now finally gotten to a point where we are happy. There are many pieces of advice I have for married couples. One of the biggest pieces of advices is to seek help and advice.

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