“Three Ways to End Resentment in Marriage”
When Ephesians 4:26, in the Bible says “…do not let the sun go down on your anger”; married couples should take notice. The continuance of anger breeds resentment, as well as the habit of leaving problems unresolved. Allowing resentment to build up also creates an environment in which contempt will thrive. Contempt is one of the major causes of divorce. Here are three ways to end resentment in marriage.
Take Responsibility
If you want to feel less bitter towards your spouse, you will need to remove some of the blame from them. By this, I mean taking responsibility for at least part of the issue which is causing you grief. Problems in marriage -as well as all other areas of life- happen because they obey the laws of cause and effect. Taking responsibility for your contributions to a problem and or lack of action/effort in solving it, empowers you. Remember, things happen because of you, things don’t happen to you. Assuming the role of victim in scenarios that play out in your marriage will almost always leave you feeling bitter and resentful, and will likely lead you down the path to isolation. If your spouse is physically abusing you, or continuously cheating on you, it’s time to get out of that situation. Other types of disagreements can be worked out.
Practice Gratitude
More things are right with your marriage than are wrong. Being grateful for the good things your spouse does, brings a lot of peace to the situation. Negative words/events stick to the brain more than positive things do. In fact, it’s much easier to remember the bad times than good. When your significant other says the wrong thing, it becomes difficult even to realize that you also said bad or insulting things. When you’re upset about something, try thinking of something nice they did for you. Or, simply reminding yourself of what a great and loving parent your spouse is, is enough to help cool down. Also, being thankful for the simple fact that you are married, means that you are able to recognize your spouse as a gift. Millions of people in the world struggle their entire lives hoping to have even one lasting relationship. If you’re married, you have someone special to share every day with. Cherish every moment with your hubby, or wife, because you are blessed.
Resolve, Resolve, Resolve
The moment you begin to feel offended, explain to your spouse in a loving way, that you are hurting because of what they said or did. Not every mistake is worth bringing up, but if it’s something that you feel is causing distress, talk about it. Being able to work out problems right away is the best way for the two of you to play offense against resentment. The longer you wait, and the more you will stew over it. Anger will continue to grow more and more. Know that the two of you are on the same team, and most likely, they did not intend to hurt your feelings. Your willingness to accept their apology and drop the issue is what ultimately determines how happy you will be. Forgive and forget, don’t remain stuck on something keeping you and your spouse from being happy-together.
