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  • Say Goodbye to Doubt and Save Your Marriage

    Say Goodbye to Doubt and Save Your Marriage

    If you allow it to, doubt can ruin your marriage. It creeps in quickly and can easily become a habit. In this post I will explain why allowing our thoughts about our spouse to go back and forth from positive to negative -on a regular basis- is harmful to the relationship.
    Uncertainty is no friend to a committed couple, so say goodbye to doubt and save your marriage.

    If your overall way of thinking generally consists mainly of doubting yourself, rather than having confidence,
    you may often spend time trying to convince yourself that you are worthy, before you even begin the task or challenge at hand.

    You must build a case for yourself that proves why you have what it takes, and build it quickly.

    We all struggle with this from time to time. Whether it be the occasional “I don’t know if I can handle this”, or “am I making the right decision-“, it’s definitely something which can affect anyone. Although this is something that both men and women suffer from, women are more susceptible to feeling insecure. In the aspect of marriage, especially,
    a woman is more prone to wondering “what did he really mean when he said that-” or, “does he really love me-”
    Of course, as you probably could have guessed, I want to remind the husbands out there to provide your wife with reassurance as much as possible.

    However, what you may not expect me to say is I also want to let the wives know there is also something that they can do too. Ladies, raise your confidence. Please. This will save you a lot of heartache. This is something I struggle with, myself. When I assume the worst, I feel the worst. Misinterpretations don’t have to be the end of the world. Proceed with caution, and build a case as to why your spouse is not out to cause harm. Begin by simply reminding yourself that you and your husband are on the same team. Keep in mind that his intentions are good and he means well.

    One negative comment from him does not erase all of the good things he has said. This concept works just as well both ways, of course, for both partners.

    Misunderstandings will always be there, but if the glass is half empty, everything always looks bad, no matter what.

  • 4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

    4 Steps to End Criticism in Your Marriage

    In your quest to live your best marriage, do you ever want your spouse to do something
    for you or maybe you want them to stop doing a certain behavior that bugs or upsets you-
    A problem with that can sometimes be that when we tell our spouse what we want, it
    doesn’t usually come out in the form of a loving request.

    When we have a need for something, our complaints about our spouse have a tendency to come spewing out of our mouth, and are sometimes insulting. For years my husband and I would criticize one another thinking that we were simply making a complaint. However, a complaint strictly attacks an issue or a problem. Criticism goes beyond that and attacks the person, or their character. Some of us- myself included- it’s easy to throw in some
    extra criticisms which aren’t connected to the topic at hand. Mostly this is done out of anger and resentment for unresolved matters.

    When your spouse feels insulted regarding something you do or don’t want done, it can
    leave them feeling as though they are not loved. Typically what happens when someone
    does not feel loved, is they may purposely not make the desired changes, or they simply
    do not have any motivation to do so. As your needs are not being met, the voice of
    criticism grows louder, and your spouse begins to withdraw.Here are 4 steps to end criticism in your marriage.

    4 tips to end criticism:

    #1 Remember the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

    #2 Apologize for any mean, insulting, or irrelevant criticisms.

    #3 Cool down when disagreements get hot.

    #4 Ask for what you want directly.

    Studies have shown that arguments between husband and wife can reach solutions quickly and efficiently if they cool down. Taking fifteen minutes to allow the blood pressure to go down is worth it. Men were found to be more responsive to the wife asking specifically for what she wants. However, both husband and wife are responsible for maintaining this balance -cooling down and/or making requests properly. Criticism does not motivate.

  • Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage

    Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage

    Three Simple Tips to a Happier Marriage. Whether you’ve been married six months, or you’ve been married for a while longer,we all need to do the things that keep the connection strong. It doesn’t take much at all to begin drifting apart. Naturally, things will go south on their own. The opposite is true for staying close. Here are three simple tips to a happier marriage.

    Always Remember You’re on the Same Team

    No one is happy all the time. No one’s marriage is on great terms all the time. Disagreements will occur, and it’s pretty easy to begin thinking your spouse doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Try as much as possible to get into the habit of remembering that the two of you are on the same side. You’re friends. When friends have a misunderstanding, they are usually not as quick to blame and get upset as much as a married couple. Stop fighting one another and start fighting to save your marriage before resentment takes over.

    Focus on what makes Your Spouse Irresistible

    Decide which are your three favorite qualities your spouse has. Of course, they have more than three, but think often of your three favorites. What are some of the things they did that made you want to get married in the first place- What are some of the things they still do that you are happy about- The person you’re married to has unique qualities, behaviors and attitudes that no one else has. Take pride in that. Everyone has flaws though, too. Married people who have the ability to focus less on flaws are the happier ones.

    Take Time for a Hug Each Day

    Physical touch for married couples is imperative, including non-sexual. It keeps the connection strong and can even help build a stronger bond. At least once a day, the two of you should hug as though your two friends who haven’t seen one another in a very long time. At our house, my husband usually gets up about an hour before I do. When I go to the kitchen to start getting my breakfast, he walks over and gives me a hug. It gives me a great start to my day, and it reminds me that he’s my best friend. I totally recommend this to everyone.

    In closing, I genuinely want every couple to experience the bliss of being married. Anyone can start using this advice as soon as today. I hope these three simple tips to a happier marriage
    will be found useful.

  • Wives are not inferior to Husbands

    Wives are not inferior to Husbands

    Bible Verses stating Wives are not inferior to Husbands. I’ve heard several misinterpretations regarding Bible verses over the years, and some have been totally twisted. Everything from wives must obey, to husbands can divorce their wife for no good reason at all. I’ve collected a handful of them and will provide some clarity. Here are a few of the Bible verses stating wives are not inferior to husbands.

    “So God designed mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” Genesis 1:27. Some say that the fact that Adam was made before Eve, is enough to show that she is beneath him. If that were the case, then maybe she would have been created from a bone in his foot. Not the case. Eve was made from Adam’s rib, which means that a wife is to walk side by side with her husband.

    “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4. This verse explains that both husband and wife are to provide love and comfort to one another, putting the other one’s needs ahead of their own. And yes, it obviously is referring to sex as well. Each spouse is also being equally instructed to fulfill one another’s sexual desires.

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord” Ephesians 5:22 This verse is instructing wives to be loving and faithful to their husbands, just as they are to the Lord. The word “submit” usually gets taken out of context. It also means that wives are being called by God to allow their husband to be the leader of the family. However, this does not make the two of them unequal. It simply puts a greater burden of responsibility on the husband. In the next several verses, it is the husband who is called to love his wife so much that he would die for her, just as Jesus died for all of us. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25. Also, in 1 Peter 3:7 the bible states, ” You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

    The term “weaker” isn’t intended to make the woman appear as inferior, it simply means that a wife is gentle and should be treated gently. The part about prayers being hindered, shows that God will hold the husband accountable if the marriage fails.

    In closing, wives are also called to be a helper to their husband. The word helper is not intended to be derogatory- it is a name given to someone who brings to the table, what the other person is incapable of bringing.
    “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” Galations 3:28. This verse is stating, that according to Jesus, everyone who believes will receive his grace. Basicallly, we are all children of God, and are equal in the eyes of the lord.

  • Husbands Be More Agreeable

    Husbands Be More Agreeable

  • Boundaries in Marriage and Smartphones

    Boundaries in Marriage and Smartphones

    Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones can be difficult. Imagine a scenario, you just sat down to eat dinner. Suddenly, the door bell rings. Your spouse gets up to open the door and it’s a co-worker of theirs. A “friend”. You may have heard this person’s name being mentioned a couple of times in your house, but you basically don’t know them. Then your spouse comes back to the table and continues eating. They don’t even say a word about what just happened. A couple minutes later, the exact same thing happens again, door bell rings, spouse answers it, same person is there. Now I’m sure a lot of us would feel as though a major intrusion just took place. Not only was your dinner interrupted by someone you don’t even know, your spouse doesn’t look at you either, and you’re wondering, why are the two of them so friendly- 

    It’s easy to notice when physical lines are crossed. Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones, not so easy. This intrusion takes place every single day in homes all across America. Every night at dinner, someone who’s married, communicates with a “friend” without even looking up at their spouse. It happens every time you hear that ping on your phone, and you grab it as fast as you can, to check your notifications. It’s more of an intrusion of the heart. Every time you exchange contacts with someone, you just gave them 24 hour a day/seven days a week access to you. When your door bell rings, you know there’s a very obvious physical boundary that’s being crossed. But, when someone sends you a text message, or an email, we don’t usually have a boundary. The truth is when we send/receive private messages with someone who is not a mutual friend/or your spouse has never met, a dangerous boundary is being crossed.

    See, here’s the thing, it’s a mere acquaintance maybe from work or somewhere else who has been so easily upgraded from an acquaintance to a friend because these lines of communication are now totally open. The reason why I say this is an invasion of the heart, is because that person on the other end, can say whatever they wanna say. Now that we’re on the subject of someone saying whatever they want to say, why is it someone thinks it’s okay to yell at someone else- This illustration can be any scenario, maybe your boss at the office decides to yell at you, or whatever the case. Why would someone think it’s okay to yell at you- It’s because they don’t have boundaries. They don’t know where they end and you begin. The same way, when someone sends you an inappropriate text message, or tells you a story about their spouse that puts their spouse in a negative light, it’s because they don’t have boundaries. They don’t know where their marriage ends and your marriage to your spouse begins. Everything is all mixed up.They’re less informed. People who don’t know about boundaries are less informed, and people who do know about boundaries, but they don’t keep them are just as bad. Earl Nightingale, once put it this way: “those who don’t read are no better off than those who can’t read”. Some people, even when they’re saying it, they know it’s not right. For example, I’ve heard: “Oh, my wife is a witch, oh, I wish I could work with you every day, or oh, my husband’s a jerk”. And they just keep going and going.

    In closing, I want you to remember that in communication, there is no physical boundary to stop someone else from pulling you into their life. It’s very easy to start sharing a little too much information. Please remember this take away: one of the best tips I have for you, is never say something/write something you wouldn’t say if your spouse was listening/reading. Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones is must in marriage.