Boundaries in Marriage and Smartphones

Boundaries in Marriage and Smartphones

Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones can be difficult. Imagine a scenario, you just sat down to eat dinner. Suddenly, the door bell rings. Your spouse gets up to open the door and it’s a co-worker of theirs. A “friend”. You may have heard this person’s name being mentioned a couple of times in your house, but you basically don’t know them. Then your spouse comes back to the table and continues eating. They don’t even say a word about what just happened. A couple minutes later, the exact same thing happens again, door bell rings, spouse answers it, same person is there. Now I’m sure a lot of us would feel as though a major intrusion just took place. Not only was your dinner interrupted by someone you don’t even know, your spouse doesn’t look at you either, and you’re wondering, why are the two of them so friendly? 

It’s easy to notice when physical lines are crossed. Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones, not so easy. This intrusion takes place every single day in homes all across America. Every night at dinner, someone who’s married, communicates with a “friend” without even looking up at their spouse. It happens every time you hear that ping on your phone, and you grab it as fast as you can, to check your notifications. It’s more of an intrusion of the heart. Every time you exchange contacts with someone, you just gave them 24 hour a day/seven days a week access to you. When your door bell rings, you know there’s a very obvious physical boundary that’s being crossed. But, when someone sends you a text message, or an email, we don’t usually have a boundary. The truth is when we send/receive private messages with someone who is not a mutual friend/or your spouse has never met, a dangerous boundary is being crossed.

See, here’s the thing, it’s a mere acquaintance maybe from work or somewhere else who has been so easily upgraded from an acquaintance to a friend because these lines of communication are now totally open. The reason why I say this is an invasion of the heart, is because that person on the other end, can say whatever they wanna say. Now that we’re on the subject of someone saying whatever they want to say, why is it someone thinks it’s okay to yell at someone else? This illustration can be any scenario, maybe your boss at the office decides to yell at you, or whatever the case. Why would someone think it’s okay to yell at you? It’s because they don’t have boundaries. They don’t know where they end and you begin. The same way, when someone sends you an inappropriate text message, or tells you a story about their spouse that puts their spouse in a negative light, it’s because they don’t have boundaries. They don’t know where their marriage ends and your marriage to your spouse begins. Everything is all mixed up.They’re less informed. People who don’t know about boundaries are less informed, and people who do know about boundaries, but they don’t keep them are just as bad. Earl Nightingale, once put it this way: “those who don’t read are no better off than those who can’t read”. Some people, even when they’re saying it, they know it’s not right. For example, I’ve heard: “Oh, my wife is a witch, oh, I wish I could work with you every day, or oh, my husband’s a jerk”. And they just keep going and going.

In closing, I want you to remember that in communication, there is no physical boundary to stop someone else from pulling you into their life. It’s very easy to start sharing a little too much information. Please remember this take away: one of the best tips I have for you, is never say something/write something you wouldn’t say if your spouse was listening/reading. Keeping boundaries in marriage and smartphones is must in marriage.

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